"Change does not fail for lack of motivation. It fails because of competing commitments."
Robert Kegan
Author, Adult Educator
- Date
Why You Haven’t Changed (Yet): The Hidden Immunity TO CHANGE That’s Holding You Back
posted in Health
Adam Kreek
Most leaders don’t fail because they lack skills or motivation. They fail because they are unknowingly protecting themselves from change.
Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey call this the Immunity to Change—a built-in psychological system that blocks us from making the transformations we consciously desire and featured in their book, Immunity to Change. It’s not about willpower. It’s about competing commitments—hidden beliefs and fears that keep us stuck.
I’ve worked with executives who were smart, driven, and capable—yet they struggled to change behaviours that were holding them back. They thought the solution was to try harder. But real change happened when they uncovered the hidden fears and assumptions driving their actions.
Let me introduce you to three clients who cracked the code on their own immunity to change—and came out the other side as stronger, more effective leaders.
Case #1: The Ad Executive and the Marijuana Habit
Lisa (not her real name) was a rising star in the advertising world. She was sharp, creative, and charismatic. But she had a dependency on marijuana—a habit that had become a daily ritual to manage stress and anxiety.
At first, she didn’t think it was a big deal. She was high-performing, after all. But over time, she felt stuck in her career, unable to break into the next level of leadership. When she came to me for coaching, she assumed she needed better stress management tools.
But we went deeper using the Immunity to Change framework:
- Identify the Goal: Lisa wanted to be a clear-minded, decisive leader who could handle stress without crutches.
- Uncover Competing Commitments: She realized she was deeply committed to avoiding emotional discomfort.
- Expose Hidden Assumptions: She had a belief that “If I stop using marijuana, I won’t be able to handle stress, and I’ll burn out.”
This belief had been running her life in the background. Instead of forcing herself to quit, we tested this assumption:
- She experimented with new stress-relief techniques before touching her marijuana use.
- She practiced sitting with discomfort rather than numbing it.
- She tracked how she actually felt after using different methods.
What did she discover? She could handle stress just fine. She just hadn’t built the confidence to trust herself yet.
As her dependency faded, she became more present, more focused, and more effective in her role. Her leadership team noticed the shift—and six months later, she was promoted to Vice President.
Case #2: The Engineer and His Self-Sabotaging Behavior
John was a senior executive at an engineering firm. He was respected for his technical brilliance and leadership skills. But behind the scenes, he was engaging in risky sexual behaviour that put everything—his marriage, career, and reputation—at risk.
He wanted to stop. He just didn’t know how.
When we applied the Immunity to Change process, his real roadblock became clear:
- Identify the Goal: John wanted to be a disciplined, integrity-driven leader in both his personal and professional life.
- Uncover Competing Commitments: He realized he was deeply committed to avoiding boredom and emotional stagnation.
- Expose Hidden Assumptions: He believed, “If I stop this behaviour, my life will be dull, and I’ll feel trapped.”
The problem wasn’t lack of willpower. The problem was fear of emotional emptiness.
So, we designed small experiments:
- He explored new sources of excitement—in his career, hobbies, and personal relationships.
- He built deeper emotional connections with his wife—something he had been avoiding.
- He learned to tolerate moments of boredom rather than seeking immediate gratification.
With time, he gained control over his impulses. His risky behaviours stopped. His marriage stabilized. And he became a stronger, more trusted leader at work.
Case #3: The Direct Leader Who Needed to Step Up
Not all change stories are dramatic. Some are subtle but critical.
Steve was a mid-level leader in a high-pressure role. He was smart and capable—but his indecisiveness and hesitation were costing him influence. He knew he needed to step up, make faster decisions, and lead with confidence.
At first, he thought he needed more leadership training. But when we used the Immunity to Change framework, we uncovered something deeper:
- Identify the Goal: Steve wanted to be a clear, confident, decisive leader.
- Uncover Competing Commitments: He was deeply committed to avoiding failure and embarrassment.
- Expose Hidden Assumptions: He believed “If I make the wrong decision, people will lose respect for me.”
This assumption was paralyzing him. So we tested it:
- He practiced making small, fast decisions instead of overanalyzing.
- He asked his team for feedback on his leadership—and discovered they wanted him to be bolder, even if he made mistakes.
- He tracked how many decisions actually had negative consequences—and found that most of his fears were exaggerated.
Over time, he rewired his brain to trust himself. He became faster, sharper, and more influential. His company noticed—and he was soon promoted to a higher leadership role.
How to Apply Immunity to Change to Your Own Life
If you’ve struggled to change something that matters, you might not be failing. You might be protecting yourself.
Here’s how to break free:
- Identify the Change You Want.
- What behaviour do you want to shift?
- Why does it matter?
- Identify the Hidden Competing Commitment.
- What actions or behaviours contradict this goal?
- What do these actions protect you from?
- Find the Deepest Hidden Assumption.
- What belief drives the behaviour?
- Is it actually true?
- Run Safe Experiments.
- Test your assumption in small, low-risk ways.
- Gather real data instead of letting fear run your life.
The Bottom Line: You’re Not Stuck. You’re Protected.
The Immunity to Change method isn’t about forcing willpower. It’s about understanding what’s really holding you back.
Most of the time? Your worst fears aren’t true.
When you challenge them, you gain freedom, clarity, and a whole new level of leadership effectiveness.
So I’ll leave you with this:
What change have you struggled to make?
What hidden fear might be holding you back?
If you’re ready to get out of your own way, the answer isn’t more effort.
It’s understanding your hidden immunity—and learning how to outgrow it.
—
Other Popular Articles on the ViDA Blog:
–––––
Adam Kreek is on a mission to positively impact organizational cultures and leaders who make things happen.
Kreek is an Executive Business Coach who lives in Victoria, BC, near Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, and Seattle, Washington, USA, in the Pacific Northwest. He works with clients globally, often travelling to California in the San Francisco Bay Area, Atlanta, Georgia, Toronto, Ontario. He is an Olympic Gold Medalist, a storied adventurer and a father.
He authored the bestselling business book, The Responsibility Ethic: 12 Strategies Exceptional People Use to Do the Work and Make Success Happen.
Discover our thoughts on Values here.
Want to increase your leadership achievement? Learn more about Kreek’s coaching here.
Want to book a keynote that leaves a lasting impact? Learn more about Kreek’s live event service here.