Nonviolent Communication: The Key to Better Negotiations and Stronger Relationships

Imagine two high-powered business partners, each with strong opinions, deep investments, and a shared history of growing a company together. Now, imagine them at a crossroads—one wants to exit, the other wants to stay. Each feels slightly slighted. The negotiations should be about logic, about growing the pie, about maximizing returns for all parties.

But they aren’t.

They’ve moved into an emotional negotiation.

In my coaching practice, I have acted as a mediator and negotiator in many situations like this.

The conversation often becomes layered with resentment, confusion, and unmet needs. "Why are you pushing me out?" "Why aren't you recognizing my contributions?" "Do you even care about the legacy we built together?"

Tensions rise. And as is often the case in high-stakes business, the louder voice wins—or both walk away with a deal that could have been so much better. But what if they approached this conversation differently?

This is where Nonviolent Communication (NVC) comes in.

Why This Matters in Business and Leadership

Leaders who master Nonviolent Communication create healthier work environments, stronger teams, and better negotiations. The benefits include:

At its core, Nonviolent Communication isn’t just about words—it’s about creating a culture of understanding, emotional intelligence, and meaningful connection.

What Is Nonviolent Communication?

Developed by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg, NVC is a framework that helps individuals navigate difficult conversations with clarity, empathy, and effectiveness. It’s not about avoiding conflict but rather transforming conflict into mutual understanding and better outcomes.

Rosenberg believed that most communication problems arise from judgments, blame, and unmet needs. Instead of reacting emotionally or defensively, NVC gives a four-step process to communicate in a way that reduces conflict and increases collaboration:

Let's break this down with an example.

From Conflict to Clarity: Applying Nonviolent Communication in Business

Let’s return to our two business partners navigating an exit strategy. Right now, their conversation is tense and unproductive.

Partner A: "You're being completely unreasonable. You're trying to push me out just so you can take all the credit for our success."
Partner B: "I can't believe how selfish you're being. I’ve put in just as much effort as you. You’re acting like I don’t deserve this deal."

This exchange is driven by frustration, assumptions, and unmet needs. Now, let’s apply Nonviolent Communication (NVC) to shift the dialogue toward a more constructive resolution.

Partner A reframes using NVC:

Partner B responds using NVC:

Instead of accusations and defensiveness, this approach fosters collaboration. Both partners acknowledge their emotions and unmet needs while shifting toward problem-solving. The focus moves away from blame and toward a solution that serves both parties.

The Power of Observation vs. Evaluation
One of the core principles of NVC is learning to observe without evaluating. This is easier said than done. Often, we mix observations with assumptions, turning facts into judgments. Here’s how to spot the difference:

Observations keep the conversation neutral and solution-focused, while evaluations fuel defensiveness and resistance.

The Feelings Wheel: Expanding Emotional Literacy

Many people struggle to identify and express emotions accurately. Instead of saying, "I feel bad," NVC encourages us to pinpoint the exact emotion:

Using tools like the Feelings Wheel, individuals can increase their emotional vocabulary, leading to clearer communication and deeper self-awareness.

Understanding Needs: The Root of Conflict

At the core of most conflicts are unmet needs. These needs are universal—meaning, everyone has them, regardless of background or role.

The 13 most common unmet needs in difficult conversations are:

In our business partner scenario, both individuals felt a lack of clarity, recognition, and respect—but they initially expressed it through blame and assumption. By identifying and stating their needs explicitly, they created room for a better resolution.

The NVC Formula in Action

A simple framework you can use in any difficult conversation:

When you say/do [OBSERVATION], I feel [FEELING] because I need [NEED]. Could you please [REQUEST]?

Example:
"When you say that I’m being unreasonable, I feel provoked and confused, almost gaslit, because I need more clarity between my perception of what's happening and what you're saying. Could you please:

Final Thought: Intelligence Is in the Observation

Jiddu Krishnamurti once said, “The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence.”

In business, leadership, and life, the ability to communicate with clarity and empathy is what sets great negotiators, leaders, and problem-solvers apart.

So the next time you’re in a tough conversation, pause. Observe. Feel. Identify the need. Make a request. And watch how the dialogue—and the outcome—changes.

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Adam Kreek is on a mission to positively impact organizational cultures and leaders who make things happen.

Kreek is an Executive Business Coach who lives in Victoria, BC, near Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, and Seattle, Washington, USA, in the Pacific Northwest. He works with clients globally, often travelling to California in the San Francisco Bay Area, Atlanta, Georgia, Toronto, Ontario and Montreal, Quebec. He is an Olympic Gold Medalist, a storied adventurer and a father.

He authored the bestselling business book, The Responsibility Ethic: 12 Strategies Exceptional People Use to Do the Work and Make Success Happen. 

Discover our thoughts on Values here.

Want to increase your leadership achievement? Learn more about Kreek’s coaching here.

Want to book a keynote that leaves a lasting impact? Learn more about Kreek’s live event service here.

Other popular blog posts:

Discover the ViDA Values Framework, a structured approach to defining and living your core values. Read this

After 18 years and thousands of speeches, here’s what Kreek has learned about motivating any audience—without the fluff. Check it out

Most people set goals the wrong way—here’s how CLEAR goals are better than SMART goals, and how they can help you achieve more, with less frustration. Learn more

–––––

Adam Kreek is on a mission to positively impact organizational cultures and leaders who make things happen.

Kreek is an Executive Business Coach who lives in Victoria, BC, near Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, and Seattle, Washington, USA, in the Pacific Northwest. He works with clients globally, often travelling to California in the San Francisco Bay Area, Atlanta, Georgia, Toronto, Ontario and Montreal, Quebec. He is an Olympic Gold Medalist, a storied adventurer and a father.

He authored the bestselling business book, The Responsibility Ethic: 12 Strategies Exceptional People Use to Do the Work and Make Success Happen. 

Discover our thoughts on Values here.

Want to increase your leadership achievement? Learn more about Kreek’s coaching here.

Want to book a keynote that leaves a lasting impact? Learn more about Kreek’s live event service here.

Other popular blog posts:

Discover the ViDA Values Framework, a structured approach to defining and living your core values. Read this

After 18 years and thousands of speeches, here’s what Kreek has learned about motivating any audience—without the fluff. Check it out

Most people set goals the wrong way—here’s how CLEAR goals are better than SMART goals, and how they can help you achieve more, with less frustration. Learn more