"A perfectly normal person is rare in our civilization."

Karen Horney

Psychologist

Date: March 20, 2025

Neurotic Needs and Leadership

Adam Kreek

In the realm of leadership, certain reactive behaviours—protecting, controlling, and people-pleasing—can undermine your effectiveness and erode trust. These behaviours often operate "below the waterline," driven by unconscious fears and unmet needs. Understanding their origins and manifestations is crucial for personal growth and fostering healthier organizational cultures.

Karen Horney's Framework: Neurotic Needs and Leadership BehavioUrs

Psychoanalyst Karen Horney identified patterns of neurotic needs that individuals develop to cope with basic anxiety, often stemming from adverse early experiences. These needs can be categorized into three primary coping strategies:

Moving Toward People (Compliance): Seeking affection and approval to gain acceptance.
Moving Against People (Aggression): Striving for power and control to assert dominance.
Moving Away from People (Withdrawal): Desiring independence and self-sufficiency to avoid vulnerability.

These strategies align with the reactive leadership behaviours of people-pleasing, controlling, and protecting, respectively.

The Leadership Circle Profile: Mapping Reactive Tendencies

The Leadership Circle Profile (LCP) is a 360-degree assessment tool that highlights both creative competencies and reactive tendencies in leaders. Reactive tendencies are self-limiting behaviours rooted in underlying beliefs and assumptions, often linked to Horney's neurotic needs. The LCP categorizes these reactive tendencies into three styles

Complying: Aligns with people-pleasing behaviours, where leaders overly accommodate others to gain approval.
Controlling: Reflects a need for power and control, leading to micromanagement and dominance.
Protecting: Involves withdrawal and self-sufficiency, resulting in emotional detachment and avoidance.

Understanding these reactive styles helps leaders recognize and address behaviours that hinder their effectiveness.

Case Studies: Leaders Exhibiting Reactive Behaviors

1. Protecting: The Withdrawn Executive

Background: Jim, a senior executive, shut down discussions with sharp critiques and sarcasm. His colleagues felt intimidated and hesitant to share ideas.

Behaviour: Jim’s protecting behaviour was aggressive rather than passive. Instead of withdrawing, he belittled others to assert control, aligning with Horney’s "moving away from people" strategy. His fear of appearing weak made him resistant to collaboration.

Impact: His team felt undervalued, leading to disengagement, slower decision-making, and loss of key talent. Morale and innovation suffered in the fear-based environment he created.

Intervention: Through coaching, Jim recognized his defensiveness as a response to fear. He practiced active listening, replaced criticism with curiosity, and built a culture of trust, improving team morale and engagement.

2. Controlling: The Micromanaging Manager

Background: John, a department head, insisted on overseeing every detail of his team's work, often redoing tasks himself to ensure they met his standards.

Behaviour: John's controlling behaviour reflected Horney's "moving against people" strategy, characterized by a need for power and dominance. His lack of trust in others led to micromanagement.

Impact: His team felt disempowered and demotivated, resulting in high turnover and a toxic work environment.

Intervention: Leadership development programs helped John recognize his fear of failure and develop trust in his team's capabilities, leading to a more collaborative atmosphere.

3. People-Pleasing: The Over-Accommodating Leader

Background: Emily, a project manager, struggled to set boundaries, often agreeing to unrealistic demands to maintain harmony.

Behaviour: Emily's people-pleasing aligned with Horney's "moving toward people" strategy, driven by a need for approval and acceptance.

Impact: Her inability to say no led to burnout, missed deadlines, and compromised project quality.

Intervention: With coaching, Emily learned to assert herself and prioritize tasks, enhancing her effectiveness and well-being.

Shadow Values: The Hidden Drivers

Shadow values are the unconscious aspects of our values that drive reactive behaviours. For instance, a leader who highly values harmony may have a shadow value of conflict avoidance, leading to people-pleasing behaviours. Recognizing these shadow values is essential for personal growth and aligning actions with authentic values.

Leading Above the Waterline: A Conscious Leadership Approach

Leading above the waterline involves conscious awareness of one's behaviours and their impact. It requires self-reflection, emotional intelligence, and a commitment to personal development. By addressing reactive tendencies and embracing a conscious leadership approach, leaders can foster healthier work environments and achieve sustainable success.

Understanding and mitigating reactive behaviours like protecting, controlling, and people-pleasing are crucial steps toward effective leadership. By integrating insights from Karen Horney's theories, the Leadership Circle Profile, and the concept of shadow values, leaders can navigate their internal landscapes and lead with greater authenticity and impact.

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Adam Kreek is on a mission to positively impact organizational cultures and leaders who make things happen.

Kreek is an Executive Business Coach who lives in Victoria, BC, near Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, and Seattle, Washington, USA, in the Pacific Northwest. He works with clients globally, often travelling to California in the San Francisco Bay Area, Atlanta, Georgia, Toronto, Ontario and Montreal, Quebec. He is an Olympic Gold Medalist, a storied adventurer and a father.

He authored the bestselling business book, The Responsibility Ethic: 12 Strategies Exceptional People Use to Do the Work and Make Success Happen.

Discover our thoughts on Values here.

Want to increase your leadership achievement? Learn more about Kreek’s coaching here.

Want to book a keynote that leaves a lasting impact? Learn more about Kreek’s live event service here.

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