Leading Above and Below the Waterline: A Conscious Leadership Approach

Leadership isn't easy. Sometimes, you have to make the hard calls, challenge the status quo, or hold people accountable in ways that make them uncomfortable. But there's a fine line between effective leadership and reactive leadership. The question is: are you leading with conscious awareness, or are you slipping into patterns of control, avoidance, or aggression? The key isn’t perfection—it’s knowing when you’ve dipped below the waterline and how to rise back up.

Leadership isn't just about strategy and execution—it's also about awareness. If you've ever found yourself reacting impulsively, avoiding conflict, or rigidly pushing for control, you've dipped below the waterline of conscious leadership. And that's okay. The goal isn't to never go below the waterline, but to notice when you do and return to effectiveness as quickly as possible.

This concept, drawn from The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership by Jim Dethmer, Diana Chapman, and Kaley Klemp, provides a powerful model for leadership awareness. It helps leaders and teams recognize when they are operating from a place of conscious presence (above the waterline) or reactive behaviour (below the waterline).

Let's break it down.

Understanding the Waterline in Leadership

Think of your leadership like an iceberg. Above the waterline, you're in a state of clarity, presence, and effectiveness. Below the waterline, unconscious habits, fear-based reactions, and stress take over.

Above the Waterline Leadership

When you're leading above the waterline, you're aware, intentional, and connected. This is where creativity thrives, relationships strengthen, and progress happens efficiently. Above-the-waterline behaviors include:

Below the Waterline Leadership

When leaders dip below the waterline, they react from stress, ego, or fear. This can lead to toxic team dynamics, disengagement, and resistance. Common below-the-waterline behaviors include:

The key insight? Dipping below the waterline isn't a failure—it's a signal. The real problem is when we stay there.

Real-World Leadership Transformations

1. Engineering a Leadership Shift in a Mega Project

I was brought in to work with a leadership team managing an over-budget, delayed mega-project. The newly appointed leader had a hard-hitting, aggressive style aimed at driving results. While her approach didn’t change significantly—she remained self-focused and goal-oriented—the rest of the leadership team gained valuable insights from the "above and below the waterline" framework. This awareness gave them greater perspective and calm, allowing them to create space and distance in their leadership practice from the extremely-dominant leader.

Leaders with higher emotional intelligence were able to bolster their resilience in the face of such an intense leadership style. They recognized when they were being reactive and learned to navigate the situation with more composure, rather than being emotionally hijacked.

This experience reminded me of concepts of Bob Sutton I discussed in my blog post, "How to be more (or less) disagreeable for success.", where I emphasized the impact of aggressive leadership on team dynamics. The takeaway? Not every leader will change—but when you develop awareness, you gain the power to choose how you respond.

2. Elevating Leadership in a Medical Office

I worked with a management team in a busy medical office on the U.S. East Coast, where high-pressure environments, understaffing and daily operational challenges often led to reactive leadership. Many team members were slipping into "Agreeable" below-the-waterline behaviours—avoiding conflict, suppressing emotions, and shutting down ideas to maintain efficiency. This wasn’t due to a lack of capability but rather the weight of daily demands pushing them into a survival mindset.

Through the "above and below the waterline" framework, we gained a clearer understanding of their leadership patterns. The leadership team collectively defined their own above-the-waterline behaviours, emphasizing open dialogue, emotional expression, and shared solutions. This shift didn’t eliminate challenges, but it improved how they handled them. Over time, they saw more engagement, fewer conflicts, and a culture where ideas flowed instead of getting blocked by defensive reactions. By recognizing when they were leading from a reactive state, they could consciously choose to operate with greater awareness and collaboration, strengthening their effectiveness as leaders.

3. A High-Drive Engineering Leader with a "Marshmallow" Team

I worked with a high-driving engineering leader who was deeply frustrated with his team’s perceived lack of competence. He often referred to them—half-jokingly—as "marshmallows," believing they were too soft and incapable of keeping up with his pace. While he was technically brilliant and highly motivated, his intense drive was operating below the waterline, creating fear rather than inspiration. His leadership style—marked by impatience, high expectations, and a relentless push for performance—was causing disengagement rather than improvement.

Through the above and below waterline framework, he began to recognize when his frustration was leading to reactive behaviours. Instead of assuming his team lacked ability, he started balancing his expectations with more support and awareness. This shift didn’t mean lowering standards, but rather approaching leadership with a clearer understanding of how his presence affected the team. He did not become a marshmallow leader himself but found a way to drive influence through more effective interpersonal connections. Over time, his leadership effectiveness increased, and his team—rather than shutting down—began rising to the challenge. With less fear and more trust, productivity and performance followed.

Practical Strategies to Lead Above the Waterline

By integrating these habits, leaders foster teams that are resilient, adaptable, and effective—not just results-driven, but values-aligned.

How Values Show Up Above and Below the Waterline

Values drive our leadership behaviours, whether we are aware of them or not. When we operate above the waterline, our values are expressed as noble intentions—authentic, constructive, and growth-oriented. We lead with inclusion, kindness, responsibility, and freedom, fostering environments where people feel empowered, engaged, and aligned with a shared vision.

However, when we dip below the waterline, our values often show up in their shadow forms—reactive, fear-driven, and self-protective. These shadow values, rooted in the Schwartz Value Index, manifest as conformity, obedience, power, and social control. These aren’t inherently bad values, but when they drive unconscious behaviour, they can stifle innovation, erode trust, and create disengagement.

For example, a leader who values discipline above the waterline fosters accountability and self-motivation. Below the waterline, that same value might turn into rigid control or micromanagement, creating resentment. Similarly, influence above the waterline means inspiring others toward a shared vision; below the waterline, it becomes manipulation or coercion.

This is why awareness of values is essential for conscious leadership. Recognizing when values shift into their reactive states allows us to course-correct and lead with intention rather than impulse.

Further Reading

For more insights on leadership and decision-making, explore our article on Empowering Your Team to Decide: The 20 Idea Method for Faster, Smarter Decisions. This piece delves into strategies for delegating decision-making to enhance team efficiency and confidence.