How to Lead with Grit and Grace — The Motivation Sweet Spot For High Performance Teams

You can be a brilliant leader with all the right credentials… and still demotivate your team.

I’ve coached leaders who were sharp, disciplined, and respected—yet their people were disengaged, burned out, or quietly quitting. Why? Because they were leading from imbalance.

They leaned too hard on grit—driving results through pressure, guilt, and performance demands. Or they leaned too far into grace—prioritizing care and connection, but failing to set clear expectations.

Either way, the outcome was the same: frustration, fatigue, and missed targets.

There’s a better way to lead. It’s not about being softer or harder. It’s about balancing grit and grace—and understanding the psychology that drives human motivation.

In this post, I’ll show you:

• The two leadership traps most high-performers fall into
• How to find your personal balance using the Grit & Grace triangle
• And how a simple psychological framework called Transactional Analysis explains why your leadership patterns keep showing up

The best leaders balance grit and grace. But most leaders default to one or the other. They overplay their strength, and it becomes their weakness.

Let’s revisit two leaders I’ve worked with, whom I mentioned in part one of this three-part series. For the sake of anonymity, we’ll keep calling them the Operator and the Enforcer.

Grit Without Grace: The Operator

The Operator was brilliant. A builder. A strategist. The kind of person who could walk into chaos and design a system that worked.

But when it came to people? He led using pressure. Using carrots and sticks. Led by his personal high standards of perfectionism.

He expected others to match his pace, precision, and personal standards. When they didn’t, he’d tighten his grip. He’d say it was about excellence—but really, it was about control. His default motivational levers were guilt, shame, and ego.

And the results? Short-term compliance. Long-term burnout.

His team performed out of fear, not purpose. And over time, the performance cracked under the pressure.

Recognizing the growing disengagement within his team, the Operator underwent a 360-degree feedback process tailored for emerging technical leaders. This assessment provided candid insights from peers and subordinates, highlighting his tendency to micromanage and the resulting lack of team empowerment.

After his 360 review, the comments stung. Not because they were cruel—but because they were true. Words like "unapproachable" and "rigid" kept showing up. At first, he dismissed them. “High standards aren’t a crime,” he said. But eventually, he realized this wasn’t about being nice. It was about being effective.

Through coaching, he began to shift towards the Adult ego state mentioned below, embracing a more balanced approach. He started involving his team in decision-making, fostering a sense of ownership and collaboration. This transition was not quick or easy, but it did improve team morale and also enhance overall performance.

Grace Without Grit: The Enforcer

The Enforcer came from a hard-edged background. Military training. Top-down accountability. Zero tolerance for excuses.

But underneath the bluster was a leader who cared deeply. So deeply, in fact, that he’d take on too much himself. He wouldn’t delegate. Wouldn’t trust. Wouldn’t listen.

He’d call his people “soft” and “unmotivated,” while silently carrying the weight of the entire department.

His intention was good—he wanted results. But his execution was off. He thought he was being gritty. What he was actually doing was disempowering his team.

Eventually, that department’s results fell off a cliff. And so did his career path—until we started shifting his mindset and his toolkit.

To gain self-awareness, he completed the Predictive Index assessment, which revealed his natural inclination towards control and a discomfort with ambiguity. Understanding his behavioural tendencies allowed him to consciously adopt the Adult ego state, promoting rational and present-focused leadership.

The Predictive Index helped him name what he couldn’t admit: he didn’t trust anyone to do it right. And behind that? Fear. Not anger. Not superiority. Just fear that if he let go, everything would fall apart. That moment cracked something open.

He set up a scorecard, began delegating responsibilities, trusting his team's expertise, and providing clear expectations. This shift not only alleviated his workload but also empowered his team, resulting in improved efficiency and innovation.

Why Most Leaders Burn Out Their Teams

Let’s break down the Grit & Grace model. At the extremes, both sides get stuck.

The goal isn’t to pick a side. The goal is to hit the motivation sweet spot—the top of the triangle, where effective influence lives.

Grit brings structure, accountability, and expectations.
Grace brings trust, support, and emotional intelligence.
When balanced, they build the three key intrinsic motivators from Self-Determination Theory:

This is where real performance lives.

The Psychology Beneath the Model: Transactional Analysis

To deepen the Grit & Grace model, I often introduce a framework called Transactional Analysis (TA). It’s an old-school model with timeless value—and it helps explain why leaders default to extremes.

Transactional Analysis (TA), a psychological theory developed by Eric Berne in the 1950s. TA provides a framework for understanding how people interact, both with others and within themselves. It is especially known for describing three primary ego states that shape behaviour:

Each ego state reflects the rules, beliefs, and attitudes we internalized from authority figures in our early years as children and youth.

Here’s what that looks like in leadership:

What both leaders lacked was the Adult state.

The grounded space where you say, “Let’s look at what’s actually happening. Let’s make clear decisions, and move forward with intention.”

When you lead from the Adult state, you naturally balance grit and grace. You move away from emotional reactivity—and into responsive leadership.

The Grit & Grace Triangle: A Simple Model for Better Leadership

Here’s a simple breakdown to help you self-assess:

To move up the triangle, reflect on two questions:

Then do the work to course correct.

Don’t abandon your strength. Just balance it.

Final Thought

Back to the Operator and the Enforcer.

Both of them were strong leaders. Capable, committed, driven.

But their growth—and their team’s growth—only happened when they moved from reactivity to awareness. From ego states to effective states. From too much of one thing… to a better blend of both.

That’s what Grit and Grace is about.

It’s not just a leadership model—it’s a mirror.

One that reflects your patterns, your power, and the path forward.

Want help finding your Grit and Grace balance?
I work with senior leaders and technical teams to unlock sustainable motivation and performance.

Next in the Series:

"How to Engineer Motivation: Your Leadership Toolkit"
We’ll give you the tools and tactics to design motivational systems that actually stick—without burning out your team (or yourself).

How to Engineer Motivation: Your Leadership Toolkit

This Blog is part of a three-part series:

Why Your Team’s Not Motivated (And Why It Might Be Your Fault)

How to Lead with Grit and Grace — The Motivation Sweet Spot For High Performance Teams

How to Engineer Motivation: Your Leadership Toolkit

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Adam Kreek founded ViDA to positively impact organizational cultures and leaders who make things happen.

Kreek is an Executive Business Coach who lives in Victoria, BC, near Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, and Seattle, Washington, USA, in the Pacific Northwest. He works with clients globally, often travelling to California in the San Francisco Bay Area, Atlanta, Georgia, Toronto, Ontario and Montreal, Quebec. He is an Olympic Gold Medalist, a storied adventurer and a father.

He authored the bestselling business book, The Responsibility Ethic: 12 Strategies Exceptional People Use to Do the Work and Make Success Happen. 

Discover our thoughts on Values here.

Want to increase your leadership achievement? Learn more about ViDA Executive Business Coaching here.

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