Fatherhood Part 2 – Breaking the Silence on Men’s Inner Struggles

Behind every strong father is an untold story of struggle, resilience, and silent battles. Let’s talk about it.

Fatherhood is a gift but also a crucible—a relentless forge where men wrestle with profound, often unspoken challenges. Beyond the diaper changes and bedtime stories lies a more profound journey into the complexities of masculinity, purpose, and emotional growth.

In my conversation with Dr. David Kuhl, co-founder of Blueprint, we explored the quiet struggles men face: depression, anxiety, trauma, and the pressures of societal roles. This undercurrent of male pain isn’t just anecdotal; it’s supported by research from Richard Reeves and the American Institute for Boys and Men. Men are falling behind—socially, professionally, and emotionally.

Fatherhood, though, is a powerful counterforce. It’s an invitation for men to grow, realign, and redefine themselves in ways they never imagined. But it’s not without its challenges.

The Psychology of Men: The Taboo of Emotions

Robert Augustus Masters, in To Be a Man, highlights two core differences in male and female psychology: a heightened drive for sex and a propensity for violent anger in men. These instincts aren’t inherently destructive; they’re raw energy waiting to be channelled. Yet, society leaves little room for men to explore these emotions constructively.

Working on oil rigs early in my career, I witnessed how environments dominated by male energy often magnify these tendencies. The culture was a potent mix of substance use, physical aggression, and sexual risk-taking—a reflection of unmet needs and unprocessed emotions. These were men who lacked safe spaces to practice emotional honesty or channel their emotional intensity into growth.

In the workplace today, the stakes are different, but the silence persists. Men are often expected to be stoic—detached from their emotions. The boardroom isn’t a space for anger, tears, or emotional honesty, yet these emotions don’t disappear. Instead, they linger, becoming unspoken tensions or misdirected actions.

Trauma and the Silent Burden

Trauma, as I’ve come to understand through coaching, is often made of thoughts that are incomplete and emotions left unexpressed. For men, this manifests as a quiet burden carried alone. When I coach male leaders, many admit they’ve never been taught how to articulate their feelings or process past pain. They’ve mastered the art of action but struggle with reflection.

Fatherhood changes this dynamic. It demands a deeper emotional engagement, forcing men to confront their limitations and redefine their strengths. It’s in the tender moments—holding a crying infant, apologizing to a teenager, or supporting a partner during pregnancy—that men discover a new kind of power: emotional honesty.

Sex, Violence, and Leadership

The male drives for sex and aggression are often treated as taboo, yet they’re deeply human. Managed poorly, they lead to destructive behaviours; channelled constructively, they fuel ambition, creativity, and resilience.

As fathers and leaders, men must find healthy outlets for these drives. This might mean rigorous physical activity, creative endeavours, or deeply engaging relationships. It also means creating spaces—whether in families or workplaces—where men can safely explore and express the full spectrum of their emotions with emotional honesty.

I’ve seen this transformation firsthand in clients who’ve redefined their leadership styles after becoming fathers. They move from control to collaboration, from dominance to mentorship. By embracing their roles as fathers, they don’t suppress their drives—they harness them for good.

Understanding Values and Emotional Accuracy Through an Emotions Wheel

Why Values and Emotions Matter

Values are the core traits and principles that drive our decisions, behaviours, and strategies. They shape not only who we are but also how we interact with the world around us. As the Values Discovery Workbook highlights, aligning with our values leads to fulfillment, clarity, and resilience​. Conversely, when we act against our values, we feel unsettled and dissatisfied—a misalignment that can ripple into our professional and personal lives.

Emotions, on the other hand, are our brain’s way of processing information—both external and internal. They act as signals, guiding us toward what truly matters. But to harness their power, we need emotional accuracy: the ability to name, understand, and regulate our feelings effectively.

The Role of the Emotions Wheel

An emotions wheel is a powerful tool for leaders aiming to achieve emotional accuracy and honesty. By breaking down complex feelings into specific, actionable labels, the wheel helps us identify the root of our emotions. This is critical in leadership and family life, where unprocessed emotions can lead to miscommunication, frustration, or even burnout.

Here’s how an emotions wheel works:

Using Values and Emotions in Leadership

To deepen emotional honesty and make better decisions:

Practical Steps Forward

To help you explore this further:

Embracing your values and understanding your emotions isn’t just personal work—it’s foundational for impactful leadership and meaningful fatherhood. By committing to this journey, you equip yourself to lead with authenticity, integrity, and confidence.

A Call to Action for Fathers

Fatherhood isn’t about perfection; it’s about showing up, doing the work, and being willing to grow. It’s about breaking the silence on pain, owning emotions, and embracing the messiness of human connection.

If you’re a father, start by talking. Share your struggles with trusted friends or mentors. Use tools like an emotion wheel to name and process your feelings. Create rituals of reflection, whether journaling or having intentional conversations with your partner. And most importantly, model this growth for your children.

Because great fathers don’t just raise kids—they raise communities. They raise better businesses. And they raise themselves to their highest potential.

Final Thought:
The world doesn’t just need leaders. It requires fathers who lead boldly with emotional honesty.